The Real Reason
A larger kitchen counter doesn’t necessarily mean more space. (You might only fill it with more crap.) Neither does a wage increase necessarily mean more money. (You might just be broke at a higher level.) Or waking up at 6:30 instead of 8:30 or 9:00 mean more time…
I’ve been following Dave Navarro’s advice on waking up early, but I’ve hardly found myself with more time or being more productive. Sure I’m sitting at my desk before 7:00, but it’s still about 10:00 before I’ve started working. And that’s if I don’t compose a post here! This is because “all that extra time” has been used doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, doing email, reading blogs and commenting on them, and, as I am now, writing blog posts. What on earth is going to change my work habits, if not adding more time to my day?I thought.
The answer is DISCIPLINE. And the sad, sad thing about this is that it seems no amount of anyone’s excellent advice is going to make me do anything. Not even the most motivating advice. Or inspiring. Not even fung shui in my office. Not a schedule in which I pencil in even bathroom breaks, walking the dog, or when I’m allowed to answer my email. Unless those lists are Howlers (see Harry Potter) that shriek at me when I’m off track, nothing is going to make me stick to them.
Nothing, that is, except me. And we’ve already established I’m failing in that area.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this. I want all kinds of lovely things for my business now that I’ve decided it is what I want to do. In fact, I’ve wanted these things for five years. I’m getting very sick of my own complaints, of always being in the same place with the same clients, problems, etc. I’m sick of struggling and waiting for late pay cheques. What’s helping me to start changing my course of action is reading blogs like Dave’s and Brett’s and Kelly’s and those that are specifically self-help for freelancers. I’m “determined” (in quotes because if I truly was things would be changing already and I wouldn’t be putting so much off) to take my business to the next level, but I’m always so daunted by how hard it seems. I’ve been comfy and yet totally not. It seems that the more crunch I experience, the more I put things off, whether regarding a deadline or my business in general. But there is no grey area when it comes to discipline.
Knowing this, I’ve been looking for ways that might facilitate discipline and success. I’ve started getting up at 6:30 to create more time. I’m going to get a new website and professional blog. I take a walk break every afternoon. I’m going to get my business cards redone (I actually threw out all my old ones because I had a very serious, destructive moment of doubt about all this after nothing changed for five years). My goal is to focus on the task at hand and get more than two or three, max four, measly hours of work done in an entire day of trying to do it! I want more clients, better clients, more work, and better work — that is, work I really enjoy and therefore am able to stick to doing. I’m also trying to spend a few minutes envisioning me being successful at what I’m doing, much as an athlete does before a run.
Recently there have been a few dream posts floating around and there’s been many supportive comments. People are believing in each other and giving further impetus to accomplish dreams. This is all excellent! But in the end, it’s ultimately up to the person dreaming to make those goals come true. Like a person who is going to quit smoking, the only thing that’s going to get me there is a true desire to change and the belief I can and will. I have to WANT to do it, not do it because I think I should. So, then, what will make me accomplish those dreams or find that discipline in me to work efficiently? This is what I think:
THE WHY
The why is your ultimate reason for doing something. If you don’t have a convincing enough reason for what you’re doing, you’re not likely to make many, if any, changes. You’re not even likely to really succeed at what you’re doing. But if you’re doing it for your children or your family, say, whom you truly love and who intensely mean something to you, you will be always be motivated. You have to have a very powerful reason to succeed. Write out your WHY, tack it to your bulletin board. Keep a photo of it nearby. Make it a mantra.
I’ve realized I’ve been doing my business almost solely to make money. Although we’re constantly struggling to make ends meet, obviously that’s not a powerful enough reason for me, somehow, because I haven’t made any significant changes or grown my business in the time I’ve been doing it. Money isn’t a good enough reason. Sadly, neither is positively changing the literature of the world. So my personal challenge today is to do some soul searching, to figure out why I really want to succeed at what I’m doing. Only then, I believe, will I truly find the inner voice that will keep my nose to the grindstone when it needs to be.
Filed under: Uncategorized | 22 Comments
Steph
Aww….don’t beat yourself up because you’re not fulfilling your destiny and being All that You can Be.
With all due respect to other people’s self-help blogs..It’s just their opinion. They’re saying what works for THEM…it dosent’ necesarily mean it works for YOU.
I dont’ know about you…but lately I feel I’ve been reading too much “Soul Searching” on the Blogosphere. This constant search for the Meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything is making my BRAIN HURT.
My advice is to just chill out just try forget about everything for a little while. Go and do something you enjoy that requires no thinking…by doing this, the answer will come to you sooner than later.
For me, it’s fishing. What do you like to do?
Oh Friar, but I’m getting sooo stressed about how little work I’m getting done in a day! Seriously, it’s very ridiculous. I always see something more interesting to do, and I have to find this discipline to do work: I need to make a living! This has been going on for years, though. It’s not simply a result of reading a self-help blog.You’re right, though: I need to chill out, and by that i mean spend some time doing NOTHING. Like, not being on the Internet or reading or cleaning or doing anything of that sort, but something like fishing, which generally leaves you alone with yourself so your brain can empty. What do I like to do, you ask? Tons of stuff, but it’s still taking up my brain. So, hmmm, no thinking… I would absolutely LOVE to lie on a beach somewhere and sunworship with reckless abandon.
This may have to do with never having a vacation, but I think it also has to do with a deep-seated issue of some sort. I mean, why is it totally impossible to sit for a few hours and just WORK?
You know what I think? I must not be meant to work! Yes, that’s IT! If I can’t handle being at a 9-5 job, or any other job outside of my home, and I’m not cut out to be a freelancer, work is just not something I’m supposed to be doing. RIGHT?
So, um, where’s that lottery win?
Steph
Mabye you just haven’t found that Special Talent or Favorite Hobby that ignites your passion.
Bag pipe lessons, quilting, yogurt-making, lawn-bowling, cross-country skiing, sky-diving, kung-fu, small fire-arms repair, square dance callng, cat dentistry… (???).
It coudl be anything…don’t worry. You’ll find it sooner or later.
But seriously, I tried many different things for many years, till I narrowed it down to a few things I’m passionate about.
In fact, it never occured to me to start writing till just a couple of years ago.
These hobbies are what gives me a mental break that I need when I hit the a slump with my day-job.
- Friar
I was seriously laughing at all those interests you mentioned and then I suddenly found myself considering each one…yes, even cat dentistry.
Hmmm.
I just wonder, seriously, why my wasting time seems more important than having a successful business. I would say it isn’t! but then I’m a liar. Because that’s not how I’m acting. Maybe I think success is too hard, or it asks of me things I just don’t want to do. On the other hand it’s not about being lazy. I think it’s simply having to do certain things I’m not comfortable with. Why can’t I be more like Naomi of Itty Biz or Kelly?
It’s a rhetorical question, I guess, but at the same time, truly lamentable. I’m not as strong a person as I’d like to think I am.
I guess the only real hobby I have is reading. Is that a hobby? I also love to write and listen to certain music. And I’m discovering gardening. I could get passionate about that…
Steph,
That’s a start, perhaps – if you like to read, and garden, you can do that to unplug, and then write about it. Friar has a point about just relaxing – after all, that’s really how I got to the point of figuring out what I wanted to do, and everyone has a different outlook on how to make all of this work.
Some folks are happy to have a reasonably satisfying job and then lots of spare time after work. In fact, that might be okay for me, however, due to the choices I’ve made in my life (to be married, and have lots of kids), the amount of time I can free up for myself after work is fairly limited.
Thus, it is important for me to get to the point where I’m doing what I want to do with the bulk of my day. I personally cannot afford to waste time working for someone else anymore. This isn’t going to be easy. I think that most people who are doing their life’s work fought very hard to get there. They failed many times, no doubt thought they were lazy along the way, and were filled with self-doubt.
But don’t give up, if you feel that you are not yet there. Keep on doing what you are doing, keep on looking at that dream board.
-Brett
@ Brett: “Thus, it is important for me to get to the point where I’m doing what I want to do with the bulk of my day. ”
I think this might be a large part of the answer to why I am not able to work efficiently during the day. I was just on Wendi’s site and she was talking about what we’re passionate about. I realized that, regarding my business, I’m not passionate about the work I’m editing. At all! It seems such a silly thing to just realize that now, and when I did, it made me freeze in fear. As I said to her, did that mean I couldn’t freelance anymore? That I had to give up my clients? Or did it simply mean I just had to find stuff I was passionate about editing? The question was always directed to editing itself. Was I passionate about that? When the answer was yes, I enjoy doing it, I was confused because then why wasn’t I doing it with joy? Ah. The content. I’m currently reading a chapter that has made me look away every five minutes. I want to edit interesting things, and ideally fiction. That’s what I’m passionate about! Then I’ll be doing what you said: doing what I want to do with the bulk of my day! And when my writing picks up (or rather, to use the active voice, when I start writing more), and I publish a book and start making money, I can transition from working on editing and owning a business to writing full time. What a dream! This evening I’m having such a hard time believing it.
Thank you for your encouragement. I just don’t allow myself to relax if I haven’t worked enough and it sounds as though I need to allow myself that time anyway. Maybe the lack of real relaxation is what’s preventing me from focusing in the first place. Also, you’re right. It isn’t easy and people have fought very hard to get there. I want to have that fight in me! Hence the WHY.
Hi Steph,
Glad to stop by your blog.
I think we have all been there. We’re all human, and I know the most inspirational people have self doubt and don’t operate 100% all the time. It’s not natural.
It’s also VERY hard getting started freelancing. Think of all the new stuff you have to learn. Sure, it’s easy when you have a 9-5 because you have to be there everyday. Now you have no one to rely on but yourself and it can get scary. I face it everyday. And like Brett I have kids, an 8 year old who requires more of my time than the 17 year old, but none the same…
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don’t judge yourself by other’s successes. You know what you are capable of and you can do it. Only you.
But sure, we can support you. E
Steph,
First, I love coming to a blog just ‘cuz I like it and haven’t been in a while, and finding I have ESP and someone has called me. Thanks for talking about me so nicely when I’m so drowning in other stuff I haven’t even had time to check for shout-outs.
Next, you had me at “A larger kitchen counter doesn’t necessarily mean more space.” I know so many people like that, both literally and figuratively. Sometimes I’m grateful for my itty-bitty apartment, because even if that might be me, it can’t be. Time-wise, of course, it is me. Eeek!
What’s next? Oh, I know. Screw the rah-rah sometimes. Friar knows I totally agree with him on that. My post today was about optimism, but I titled it Blind Faith? because that is a MISTAKE. I love a good rah-rah post, but heck. One too many “you can do it”s and I feel like I ate too much candy. My stomach hurts and I realize I’m a failure in the self-discipline department, when I’m not.
The neat thing about the dream memes running around, is the concrete action. That is only neat if you do it a lot more than once, though obviously that’s a fine first step.
It’s like a dieter who just can’t diet. One of the finest steps I ever heard is to accept that this is who you are. Not a 150-lb person trapped in a 230-lb body, but a 230-lb person.
Maybe you should be a twelve hour a day writing guru, or maybe you’re fine as is! If you are comfy, as you put it, then stop stressing. Allow yourself to breathe. Accept.
Passion, as Friar says, is the thing. Unless it isn’t. I think contentment is a beautiful thing, too. Too few people are willing to say hey, I like things the way they are in my life.
Um, because this isn’t long enough… stepping away from the computer for extended periods of time is a highly recommended exercise. No self-help, no hours of distractions… what did we all do before this? Do that.
Oh yeah. “Why can’t I be more like Kelly.” Heh.
A bouncer at a big to-do once said to Cary Grant that he didn’t look much like Cary Grant (by way of apology for not letting him in until someone else confirmed who he was). He said, “My dear, no one looks very much like Cary Grant.”
So yeah, why can’t I be more like me?
Still, flattery will get you everywhere. Thank you.
Hope this helps, or at least doesn’t hurt too much.
Regards,
Kelly
Dear E,
Thank you. And thank you for letting me feel these things, for letting me feel I’m not the only one who has discipline problems and is easily distracted and fights interruptions and the whole nine yards. Admittedly, in this regard I don’t feel very capable of anything, least of all getting work done, but I’ve somehow managed to have met every deadline I’ve had over the last five years!
Most importantly, thank you for the reminder not to judge myself by others’ successes. That’s a hard one!
@ Kelly,
Your long comments make me laugh! And I totally enjoy them. I am prone to them too.
Ohhh, concrete action. I’m just trying to figure out what will make me get there. Because I’m not content! I know I have to do this, to take my biz to the next level. I’m not happy where I am, yet I seem happy enough to stay here, my hubby points out, since I’m not really taking action to change the situation. Ah, this is just me, you say, and it is. First I freak out about it for a while and lament and grovel and tear out my hair, and then I get so sick of myself I finally do something. I think I’m just overanalyzing and thus overwhelming myself with reasons and issues and possible solutions and so on.
So this is where I step back, huh? Because I can’t see the large counter for the junk? Step away from the computer and the job, ma’am. It’s for your own good.
Talking nice about you is easy. Flattery might get me everywhere, but I only dish it when it’s deserved! So take it from me: you are like you (look at your blog!) and I’m damn glad of it!
@Kelly and Steph
I so TOTALLY agree with Kelly about the “rah rah rah’ stuff.
There can be too much of a good thing…like eating too much candy.
Sometimes we just need to get unplugged, get our heads out of our arses, and stop the navel-gazing.
Too bad we didnt’ live in the same city. Otherwise, I’d invite you out for a few pitchers and we’d get wasted. Just what the Friar ordered.
@Friar: AHAHAHA! A pitcher! Wasted!! You know, all that talk about me throwing back shots in my Lusty Weevil story…the funny thing is, I can’t drink. And by that I mean one glass and I’m done. It didn’t use to be that way, back when I was 17… (which reminds me of a song Homer sang on the Simpsons). But I have almost zero tolerance now. Just can’t. So you’d either hate that (having to catch up) or love it: I’d be a cheap drunk, that’s for sure!
Blog is going wonky…there was a pingback on here from Crystal. It showed and then disappeared…
DUH. It was on yesterday’s post. Sigh. Bedtime, methinks.
Steph,
Do you have ADHD like me?
Seriously or joking…pick one…I have a focusing issue and this blogging world is a rough crowd to be sucked down rabbit holes and an entire day can go by and you can wonder where it went.
( You may want to check out my First things fFrst post for the long version) I keep a timer at my desk and set it for 15 minute time periods. Its like hitting the restart button. It reminds me to check my to Do list Which I wrote in the morning in my quiet time and see how I am doing. Then I work on something for 15 minutes, check again. cross something else off the list. reward yourself with a fifteen minute break then back to work another 15. You would be surprised how much you can get done in a focused 15 minutes. If you get good you can move on to 30, but if you are trying to break a time wasting habit, start with 15. Say, I will work for 15 minutes now and then I’ll see if I am ready for a break. Beacuse you are doing just a little, the whole boring day won’t be stretching out in front of you like a nightmere and you won’t procrastinate so much. And you will have lots of 15 minute successes start to add up too.
Good luck…I know exactly how you feel!
It CAN get better.
@Wendi,
I’ll check out that long-version post tomorrow morning! I’ll also get a timer and try your 15 minute idea! Thanks! I’m all about feeling as though I’ve achieved something, which is why I prefer to work on anthologies (the ends of chapters feel as though I’ve finished and I can justify a break), or, in longer books, I use the ends of paragraphs or sections to mark when I can break. Using this 15-minute thing might work!
Hi Steph,
I can only tell you what it’s like for me. Blogging is hard work. Commenting is hard work. Creating the community is hard work. For me it’s kinda like what Wendi says about ADHD and getting sucked down the rabbit hole. Good analogy, by the way Wendi. Comment when you have time. Give yourself a little blog schedule. These two socializing things I think are the biggest time suckers. Notice I didn’t say wasters, because it’s important to build a blog community.
I’ve only mentioned blogging. I try to schedule time for my fiction but days I just don’t have time for it. Then there is writing articles and looking for work. And photography.
Somedays I get up early, but sometimes I’m exhausted and don’t.
I told Mike, my husband, that I would go offline at night (but if I have a deadline I have to work!) because he thought too much online was affecting our relationship.
Every day is a big fat balance! Today I am trying to catch up with blogging and commenting and I have to get back on my garage sale.
I guess I offer all of this because I also have to learn it myself, and I know exactly what your going through.
Dear E:
It’s okay, I fixed.
Thank you for your comment. It’s made me feel better somehow to know others have a hard time like me. I feel a bit less down on myself. You probably could have written my post, and I could have written your comment. Both my hubby and I have brought up the relationship thing, but for now we use weekends to catch up on that or emails during the day, or late-night chats in the dark, because he’s at work all day and then developing his website by night. I support him on that; it’s a big project he’s quite excited about. As for me, I know I could take some evenings off if I did my work and took a bit of time to blog (I agree on the importance of blogging!) and write during the day. There are a few things to fix or put into place before that falls together, and I’m beginning to see some hope, thanks to the support you all bring and to other friends as well!
I actually used this system to help quit the ciggies, and i’ve been using one of those anhilators as I’m a “motion” craver, it gives me something to do with my hand.
Try it out http://howtoquitsmokingforever.com/
@ Dr C.: I think you may have misread my post. I was using quitting smoking as an example. (I don’t smoke.) When one quits smoking, one has to WANT to, not do it because one should, just as I have to WANT to change in other ways rather than make those changes because I think I should. That method simply doesn’t work. Or if it does, not long term!
Thanks for visiting!