Voluntary Lab Rat
A couple of days ago, Alex of Someday Syndrome posted the answers to the self-improvement exercise he’d most recently assigned his lab rats Brett Legree, Sal, Crista, and Urbane Lion. I only recently found his site and have yet to explore it more fully, but the basic gist of this project is to help people overcome obstacles in realizing their dreams, or striking off the items on their Someday list. As we’ve so often heard, someday is today.
You can read more about all of this on his blog, which I highly recommend. Don’t skip the comments!
Anyway, because I’m jealous I’m not a lab rat, because I love to answer questions, and because I think this is one of the coolest ideas out there, I decided to take things into my own hands and pretend I am one of Alex’s participants. I’ll do his exercises in an effort to reach the same objectives as the others, albeit in my own way.
Here, then are my own answers to his questions.
1. Do you consider yourself a patient person or someone who dives in without looking?
Even though I have a Someday list (revamping my editing business was one item on it!), I am actually a pretty impatient person. I’m impulsive. When I make up my mind, I very rarely stop to think. That incident of you [Alex] with the car in France? Just what I would have done. I see what I want, I want it now. It’s all about instant gratification. Patience in me is something that’s usually forced when I have no other choice. (I’m not sure that’s even called patience, then!)
I know how terrible that sounds. It gets me into trouble a lot and sometimes hurts people when I unwittingly leave them in the wake of my newest decision. It leads me to spend money when I don’t have it. And it really does negate the Process, the oh-so-important Journey. I know it. I’m well aware of it.
Still, generally, yeah: when I’m sure of what I want, I dive in without looking. At least, not looking for very long. In fact, true story: I broke my hand in my early twenties, literally diving without looking. I dove off a high diving board into a pool and landed on the slant up to the shallow end. I should have checked before diving like that. It didn’t even occur to me. All I saw was the thrill of diving.
So where does my Someday list come from if I’m so impatient to get things done? Mostly FEAR (I say mostly because it’s also lack of money, which could be said to be related to fear, maybe of success…) More on this in the next post.
2. Do you have a recent example of when you weren’t very patient? How about being too patient (i.e., too passive)?
I don’t allow myself to get too patient or too passive. My threshold for unbearable things is very low. I hate a job, I quit it. I mean, not necessarily right that second, but long before I have a breakdown, yes. The only time I’m too “patient” is when I don’t really know what I want yet. Or when I’m too afraid to act on it.
I have countless examples of being impatient, unfortunately. I do have a very recent and distressing example. I’ve currently taken on two editing jobs that both have tight deadlines and thus require my attention at the same time. Normally, I can handle this, but with the excitement surrounding EditQuest, I’ve become extremely impatient to get things rolling in that department, knowing how much I have to have done before it launches. I haven’t got time to rewrite the copy for the site [it needs to be rewritten because my initial draft was not suitable for various reasons], and I’m impatient with the fact that I don’t have the skills to do it.
I have no idea how to write good copy nor do I have the patience to learn how now. Out of impatience to get it done, then, I unwittingly pitted two friends against each other in “vying” for the job. One of them was already supposed to do it but I’d misunderstood this and called on the other in desperation.
Had I taken more time to understand the situation, or in consulting further with my first friend, I’d probably have avoided this distressing situation. As a result, I’ve unprofessionally dissed one and likely caused mistrust in the other. I’m having a hard time with it because I can’t seem to repair the damage. Not only that, it’s tainted my excitement surrounding EditQuest.
3. Given your personality, what would you say is a good way to find balance between patience and action as you move forward on realizing your dreams?
This is a really challenging question! I’ve struggled with my short fuse for a long time. I haven’t got a handle on how to become a more patient person at all, I think! Instead of banking posts, I post them all. Instead of reading over an email, I send it right away. Instead of checking my words, I say them outright. Even on the GPS I’m always looking for the fastest route.
I’m not saying impatience hasn’t sometimes worked in my favour. But in general, I’d like to be a more patient person to balance myself out, to enjoy being in the present more.
I actually don’t know how, based on who I am, I can calm myself and not go looking for the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. With me it’s all about destination. I walk fast, I eat fast, I work to the end of a book fast. I crave change, I crave excitement, I crave instant results.
But I do regret some things as a result of my impatience. And to that end (haha) I’m working on self-improvement — though I would prefer to be instantly perfect — by blogging and reading other blogs and doing exercises like this. But it’s one thing to have epiphanies through self-discovery; it’s another to act on them. Perhaps I could try meditation to calm me down. And work on trying to become conscious of when I’m stepping off the ledge so I can step back and evaluate what I’m about to do.
As for becoming more patient in achieving my goals, instead of crashing toward them without thinking things through…well. I suppose I could write out all my goals and then the “proper” steps I could take to get there. I could force myself to do those steps, instead of skipping them. It’s a tough question I actually don’t really have an answer for just yet. One thing I will do, though, like Crista, is consider my family and friends, and all the people around me or who might be involved, before I leap, so as not to leave a path of destruction in my wake.
Filed under: Inspiration, self-improvement | 27 Comments
Tags: dreams, goals, impatience, instant gratification, patience, someday
Steph,
These are very good and detailed answers to Alex’s questions – you know, if you follow along with the lab rat exercises, it will really help you, I think.
Alex has put a lot of thought into this – when I come back to my answers, and think about them, I learn a little bit more about myself each time – as I think you will.
It will be a lot of fun
-Brett
I know! Already I could add so much to what I’ve written, even. I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon. I can’t wait for the next set of questions.
I think the same thing about following along. I’m intrigued about your answers and about gaining new perspectives as well as with being honest with myself and seeing if I can actually make changes that stick. Also, there’s the process aspect, the journey, and this is an interesting way to make me *like* that type of thing!
I’m really glad to have found self-improvement mediums I’m interested in. Colin’s methods are so totally different from mine, which has sometimes made me seem not open to changing myself. Now that I’m finding methods I like (Alex’s project and blogging and communicating with other bloggers in general), he is starting to see a difference in me already, just from when we talk, even.
You two are making me blush!
I’m totally like you Steph and the thing that has really helped me is to work to stay in the moment. My tendency to live in AlexWorld was causing some big problems in my home life, so I mentally stuck up signs everywhere that said: “Stop. Think.” It’s really helped.
And I have a two lists to get things done – one is http://www.rememberthemilk.com and the other is a whiteboard by the front door with a list of things to make sure of before I leave the house. Both of them slow me down and bring me back into the present.
Cheers,
Alex
Alex – I can see you blushing in your little avatar!
I think for me the revelation was when I started to really, really unitask. Shut off everything else, if possible. I mean, you can’t always do that – but whenever I can, I do it. Things as simple as turning off the laptop to play with my kids. Or not answering the phone during dinner (or even better, turning off the ringer).
I do the list thing too. I collect everything on paper, then put it in one big master list which I review at the start of each day. I pick about 3 things I will accomplish that day, then carry that with me everywhere. If I do all of them, I can either take the rest of the day off, or pick another thing from the list.
Of course, this is different from my list of goals / dreams / passions.
I really like your “Stop. Think.” sign idea. I think I’ll print out a bunch and put them up randomly around the buildings where I work!
-Brett
@Brett: LOL!!! Friar would love that too.
Guys, these suggestions are awesome!! I’m getting really excited about all this, about trying them out, about becoming a more gentle and thoughtful and patient person. That’s not to say I’ll ever lose my passion and enthusiasm, but to tamper it with consideration would be a good thing. Then, perhaps, I won’t always get so overwhelmed by things as well. I tend to see everything all at once, and slowing down will help me put things in perspective.
Excellent answers! Very honest. I really like the open admission of causing hurt feelings and misunderstandings. Like Alex, I see a lot of myself in your answers…I am his sister, so it must be genetic. I particulary relate to: I walk fast, I eat fast, I work to the end of a book fast
Totally off topic, I love you pic of the rat. I used to have pet rats all the time. I’ll get one again ’someday’, but I need o ease the Urbane Lion into that concept.
@UP: Do panthers and lions not eat rats?
I’m not partial to rodents; I prefer cuddly things. Do rats cuddle? Are they sweet, or do they bite? Are they as intelligent as I assume? Intelligent is good.
Thanks for visiting and for your comment! Actually, for me this is genetic: I get it totally from my dad, although I seem comatose compared to him! Because I see myself in him, I tend to resent when he’s like this, too, which is hardly fair, because many times we dislike someone because they reflect traits in ourselves we don’t like.
Anyway, I checked out your personality test results, too, on your blog. And then of course did the test myself. (The free one.) I’m going to post about that soon! I was a tie between types two and seven, and then type four was my next one. I scored another tie in the next three types. My highest number (score), for two and seven, was 6.
PS. I’m a Pisces!
I finally took some time to do Panther’s test, I scored highest at 2, and then 9, so I’m the Helper and the Peacemaker, according to the test. A lot of what it said sounds similar to my personality type from Myers-Briggs, so that’s kind of interesting.
I like doing those!
@ Brett: Frantically finishing this story, but my gmail notifier gave you away (I should really uninstall that for productivity’s sake!), and I had to answer that I too was a 2, the Helper, though I tied with 7 as well, the Enthusiast. Go figure.
The funny thing: 7 says: “typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness.”
And I did the test AFTER I wrote this post!!
@Steph,
Oh, I know… I’m the king of that (gmail notifier) – usually if I really need to get something done, I turn off the wireless…
but then I feel bad for hiding!
It is a cool test for sure, and seems to match up pretty well.
Oh, I guess I never told anyone, I’m on the cusp of Libra and Scorpio – October 23 (the more I read about that one, the more I understand myself…)
Greetings Steph! Welcome to the Lab. I’m inspired by your willingness to jump in with us, and it’s nice to have another “Leaper” on board.
I look forward to following your thoughts!
Hi Crista,
And I yours!
I agree with Brett. Going through the motions of Alex’s experiment really causes us to reassess ourselves. I am certain this will have a very positive impact on your future endeavours.
Thanks, UL! I agree. Already it has.
Steph,
OK, first of all, Have you talked to your Doctor about the fact that you may have adult ADHD? LOL… it really is managable you know.. There are a great many of us creative types running around with it.
There are lots of tricks- short of chaining you to your desk and putting tape over your mouth that will help with the things you mentioned.
I know that for at least the first half of my life someone was always saying “Wendi, you really have to THINK before you open your mouth and just let any old words come flying out. YOu need to think about how your words affect others. ” But when your brain and body are flying around at warp speed it is really hard to do.
I however would like to encourage you THAT IT CAN BE DONE!!!!( At least most of the time)
There are too many for here. Maybe a post about it perhaps…hmmmm.
Hey, Steph -
Just wanted to let you know that I gave you shout-out on the MwP blog
@Rebecca: Thank you! I haven’t read the post or the rest of the comments yet. Tight deadline right now. But thank you so much (I did see your comment). I hope to respond later, and to write another post soon!
You’re welcome! Good luck with the deadline project -
@ Rebecca: Now that I’ve read that post, I’m thanking you even more. Wow! I’m very moved that you think so!
I actually hesitated to comment there. After reading all the comments, I suddenly thought, what if this inadvertently becomes a popularity contest? What if someone forgets to mention someone they really like and that person reads and is offended? What if someone in the community has confidence but isn’t mentioned and then their confidence goes down a notch?
Suddenly, I didn’t want to choose anyone. I subscribe to about 25 blogs and if I didn’t think they were good writers, I wouldn’t have subscribed. I like them for all different reasons. Some are touching, some inspiring and motivating, some have an enviable way with words, some have interesting tidbits that make me think, some are powerful, some are hilarious, etc.
It may seem lame of me not to choose, but truly, if I’m to thank or shout out to writers, it’s to all of my readers here. I write for all of them, and more importantly they inspire me with their posts and comments in countless ways. This community in particular is admirable in my books!
I want to name the cutie rat in the picture — can we name him Twinkle Nose?
I can just see that nose twitching, lol.
Em : )
Em: LOL! He can be whoever you want.
You’re welcome, Steph!
You make a good point about that post. But I didn’t treat it like a popularity contest; I simply took it at face value and left a comment telling other writers what I like about their writing. And I truly value the open and sincere quality of your writing. You (and Friar) don’t put on airs or try to be someone you’re not. I like that. Keep it up!
Rebecca: Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. When I first started getting readers, it was a bit of a struggle to find my voice. When I finally decided to just be me, to just write what I was thinking, instead of worrying about keeping readers, I became a lot less stressed!
Then, Twinkle Nose it is!
Em : )
Unitasking…now there’s something I can handle, but with me it’s more like partial unitasking.