Letting Go
Everyone’s got something they’re holding on to. I would frankly think you’re lying if you said there was anyone out there who isn’t hoarding at least one thing from their past, or fear, or a negative belief that holds them back, or an issue at work or something that happened with a friend or the grocery boy or the contractor who built your house.
Recently reading certain blogs and visiting the chiropractor and then thinking about dreams and so on has led to this post. Alex of Someday Syndrome has a post about holding on to things that might hinder us from achieving our goals or that might not be at all what we really want. (Read about Brett hanging on to the bitter end.) And his post on insecurity even hints at it — that by harbouring negative beliefs about ourselves, we are thus unable to give of ourselves and share our potential.
Alex’s sister, Urban Panther, wrote a post about her recent dream, which most interpreted as her having to confront the past or an aspect of herself she was holding onto that she needed to let go of to be able to move forward.
My recent first visit to the the chiropractor prompted thought on this as well. “So,” he said, looking over my folder. “What are you holding onto?” “Huh?” was my intelligent response. “Well, your scans and physical issues you’ve mentioned and just looking at your posture indicate you’re holding on to something. What is it?”
“Shit, I don’t know. I’m not one to hold a grudge. I mean, I’m the type to bust it out and then it’s over, you know?” (And then — is that always true?)
“But it doesn’t have to be a grudge,” he said. “It could be anything. We’ll find out soon enough.”
That sounded ominous.
But I went home and thought about it. My husband’s Reiki instructor had a session with me once last year and we were talking about my fear of driving, which had prevented me from getting my licence. She told me all the fear I was harbouring wasn’t even my own but was transferred to me by my dad. Without going into that long story here, I’ll just say it totally made sense, as much as I acknowledge and fully accept that there’s a very young age at which from then on you can’t blame your parents for anything anymore. After blubbering about it and getting a Reiki treatment, something very weird happened. Without further ado, I got my licence. And I mean, it was practically effortless. I was more worried about the money it cost. I made that 18-yr-old deep-seated fear look like nothing. That was in February, just after my 34th birthday.
Remember my posture in my last post, how I always sit all tight and small as though I’m holding something to me? (In fact, right now, my legs are entwined around each other and my arms are pulled in tight. When I stop to read, my one arm and hand are sucked to me as though I’m holding in my chest. My shoulders are hunched up to my neck. WOW.) What about being unable to lose that five to ten pounds no matter what I do, and the other physical issues? And what about how I run my life powered not by a sense of self-satisfaction but rather guilt and fear? And how about my constant dreams for the past few years of my high school mates, my hometown, and school in general? What about that issue that happened recently regarding the writing for EditQuest, and how I can’t seem to let it go? How can I possibly honestly say I’m not holding on to anything?
What my chiropractor does, what any one of them does, is free up nerves in the body, nerves that send impulses and blood and all kinds of other good things to vital organs and the brain and so on, so that our bodies can function the way they’re meant to naturally. My scan was so wonky and bad that it’s any wonder I’m functioning at all when he pointed out what was being hindered.
So like freeing my nerves, I need to free my mind, too. I need to face what I’m harbouring and somehow exorcise those demons. Part of me wants to let go of most of those things. But part of me doesn’t. Somehow part of me wants to hold on to certain memories because I don’t want to forget. Or because I regret. Or I don’t want to acknowledge those days are over.
The only way I see to free myself of whatever hinders me from my full potential is ultimately to change my thinking. There are other things you can do, certainly, and I’ll tell you about them. And yeah, much easier said than done. But not by a long shot impossible. If I truly believe that my purpose in this life is to discover my world and then with all my heart give myself to it, if it’s to affect many people in a positive way, then I’m doing a great disservice to my soul, which I do believe is perfect, and to the world around me by holding on to hindrances. It’s selfish, to say the least, as Alex suggested.
Doing Something About It
When I think about it, I’m holding on to a lot. And when I imagine how my life would be, physically and mentally and intellectually and spiritually and relationally, if I just let go of everything that doesn’t benefit me, I start to get pretty excited.
So I’m going to make a list of the things I can think of that I’m keeping to me and a list of what my issues seem to be — for example, not being able to work well — and see how those might tie in. I’m going to do some research on how to let go of those things on my first list. And then I’m going to work on letting go, and I’m going to share all that with you so you can do it, too.
Imagine writing again, imagine being highly successful with EditQuest or your own venture, imagine living in the present, here and now, instead of lamenting lost friends and regretful things. Imagine forgiving. Imagine being free from guilt. Imagine living in New Zealand, with a sailboat, or selling your children’s books and quitting your job, or taking your business to the next level, or inspiring so many with your words that people ask you to do speaking engagements…imagine living the life you imagine.
Imagine being free.
Filed under: self-improvement | 36 Comments
Tags: Add new tag, chiropractic, fear, guilt, holding on, insecurity, letting go
Steph, I read intently and then cheered because I know that your freedom is yours! Our whole life is a process of letting go. Each day, each moment we let go of what was as we continue to evolve and grow. As in nature there are seasons of planting, nurturing, watering, growth, pruning and new growth, life follows this same pattern. There are parts that can be painful but on the other side is newness – new strength, new challenges, new insights. Freedom is awesome!
Karen: I hear you. I know I’ve felt this in the past, but also just recently, when I let go of the computer crisis and whatever else it took with it. Then giving all the stuff to someone else who wanted it felt even better! When I think of the long-standing health issues I’ve had (not major but enough to make one toxic), I am excited about letting one thing go at a time and feeling that relief not only in my mind but my whole body.
I also love your analogy of nature, especially the pruning and making room for new. It makes total sense. There is no room for new if we hang on to the old stuff. I know not everyone is a fan of the Secret, but they talked about that, and it made sense to me, what they said.
Steph,
The journey you are speaking of is a life long committment. A very exciting one! It is the difference between going on a diet and deciding that you are going to live a new healthy lifestyle that incorporates healthy eating, exercise and mental attitude in to what you are all about. That is VERY different then the short fix of a diet and so is dumping the *something* that may be attaching itself to you at the moment. Cause don’t look now, but those little gremlins have friends and they will be trying to attach too!
THe VERY best help I have found with this is personal journaling. Freeform letting your mind be honest with you, it is amazing what you will learn about yourself. But…I think it has to be in a place where you can be absolutly honest, so if that means you write in a word doc that you delete, or you shred it so be it, total gut honesty is key.It is amazing how much we get programed to say what we *should* say instead of what we *really* feel. Even to ourselves. It actually takes practice to get that authentic.
Steph,
I’m excited to see your list. I loved the last paragraph; those are all things I imagine, and did over this last weekend. Thank you for shaving a big message down to a few hundred characters and giving your audience something to reflect on.
@ Wendi: I totally agree with you! It is indeed a lifestyle rather than a quick fix. And I strive very hard to be brutally honest, because otherwise, really, what’s the point?
I too have found journalling a good way to exorcise demons. I have 23 journals, from gr. 3 to university. I stopped then, and resumed with this blog ten years later. I’ve even blogged about those diaries… I found them most of all good ways to deal with issues because in writing I am better able to sort things out, whereas my mind on its own gets totally overwhelmed.
@ Writer Dad: Thank *you*! List is forthcoming.
And I invite everyone else who wants to, to make their own. In going through the list, in applying the processes, I’m hoping that we learn enough, that we experience epiphany enough, that it becomes habit, a new way of thinking and dealing with things. As Wendi said, not a quick fix but an everyday choice.
Oh, I forgot to mention. Your picture is rad.
Isn’t it? I ripped it off deviantart.com.
Wow Steph, that’s interesting. Maybe you’re holding onto things and it’s stored in your back!
I hold onto things to, so I know how you feel. Mainly hurts I spin through my mind.
I’m learning though. And it’s nice we can learn from eachother.
At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic
and tipping my hat to folks who prefer not to drink, probably the best way I do this is with a simple glass of red wine.
Often with a fire, of course. Staring into that fire, with a glass of wine, under the stars. That seems to be how it’s meant to be. Things become so clear. And I can let go of whatever it is that’s bugging me at the moment.
Because I know what’s important to me, and I realize that whatever was bugging me won’t matter in 5 years. Maybe even not 5 months.
(Everyone’s welcome at my fireplace, by the way…)
I loved my chiropractor back in Toronto – her nickname is the Iron Claw but wow she made me feel good. When she’d get a claw – I mean hand – in at a certain spot on my back all my fears would come leaping forward. Another spot was my run away trigger. She’d know what negative emotions I was feeling by seeing how tense those two spot were.
Wow. Nice, Steph. Thank you. I’ve actually been struggling with this a lot lately, reliving bad memories and feeling the pain associated with them.
Why do we do this? Why can’t we just walk away from the past and move on?? I think of Riley and Lucy: They don’t remember what they did two minutes ago. They just live in the glorious present, rolling in the grass or dozing in the sun. Guess we have a lot to learn from them!
Another wonderfully authentic post. I love your blog for how honest you are! This is a great post and it’s going to really push me to think about your topic. (Btw, how AMAZING that you got your license at 34 and pushed past those fears. Awesome!) I know some things, with me, just take time, like not holding on to the memory of the very trusted friend who betrayed me, etc. Sometimes it seems there’s a thin line between taking a lesson from something, and employing that lesson in your life, vs holding onto something & letting it negatively effect you. Or maybe it’s not such a thin line, since one is a positive reaction and one is a negative. Now it seems I am rambling.
Good post!
Ellen – did you change your pic? I love it! It is nice that we can learn from each other, I mean, who can’t relate, right? I’m hoping to post more on this today or tomorrow.
Brett – I know what you mean. There’s nothing like a glass of wine to take the edge off (for me, though, i almost have to lie down after!!) and a mesmerizing fire. Though I admit, the fire can either wipe me of thought or do the opposite and make me very pensive, which can be dangerous! What I’m looking for is more of a changed way of thinking altogether. What if you couldn’t have wine or a fire, for instance? I can often relax for a while and let go, but will the letting go last?
Alex – I’ve been to a chiro before, and she did the traditional adjustments, which helped but not the way this guy does. His method is called tonal chiropractic, and something else, but it’s very gentle. He gets at pressure points and stimulates nerves. It hardly feels as though he’s doing anything, but all of a sudden my legs and hips are lined up and my neck can turn and go back…it’s quite incredible what he does, with even one touch. And yes, he asks questions about stuff like yours did. Amazing stuff, creepy, almost, how intuitive or clairvoyant it all seems! But great.
Rebecca – ah, if I could count the times I’ve been jealous of lucky Lucy.
I’m going to try to answer your questions in the next post.
Dube – Thank you! It’s true, sometimes, about things just taking time. I admit the pain or resentment might diminish, but for me the memory or regret or whatever doesn’t quite go. I’m still holding on. And I’m realizing I might still be holding on to things I really thought I’d got over.
That’s an interesting point you raise, and yes, the difference would be that one is a positive reaction, the other negative. But I wonder if even applying the lesson still doesn’t necessarily wipe clean the slate. For instance, I learned a lot from my first marriage, which I’ve positively applied in my marriage now. But I’m starting to question whether or not I’m totally over everything that happened the first time around.
Steph,
That’s true – it doesn’t always work, so there are other “tools” in the arsenal. I go for a run. Or work out with my kettlebells. Or take a drive in my car – nothing like a country drive with a zippy little car.
I’ve also started meditating, and there’s a Tai Chi class starting up soon in Splat Creek, and I think I’ll be joining it.
Holy crap! Splat Creek is moving on up!!
Yes, yoga, meditation, tai chi, running, any kind of exercise…all good methods for helping you deal well with any kind of stress, including letting go. I really should start all that up again.
LOL they do offer a fair bit of stuff, believe it or not… depending on how busy the instructors are in a given year. This year, we may lose our children’s gymnastics program as the instructor has retired from it (but now works at The Factory, in my group…)
Violent computer games have been known to work, from time to time
nothing like blowing up someone with a rocket launcher!
Whoa, it seems everyone ends up working at the Factory at least once in their Splat Creek life!
Ah, gaming. Haven’t played in ages! I prefer fireballs myself.
And now, believe it or not, I have to get off this laptop. The mouse is not working (the wireless one I bought!) and I hate using the touch pad and I’m getting frustrated. It’s a good sign I should get to those 50 pages of archival notes I’ve been dreading… I have to think: the sooner I finish the sooner I can get to fun stuff. And the sooner I get paid. Because we need it!!
This image is amazing and well tied in to your post.
True, true, so much baggage we carry without even realizing it.
Intelligent chiropractor! Sounds like a great person you have found.
What a revealing and honest and beautiful post you have written — brave and commendable.
I will eventually get around to writing posts about mental and physical health on my site, but to get you on the fast track, the things that have changed my life are:
Cognitive therapy (changing the way you think instead of taking drugs and all that crap, to change the way you feel)… best book: FEELING GOOD by David D Burns….
And for body… My necessity has been to cut out gluten (gooey substance in wheat, barley, rye, white flour) that the body can’t properly digest. (bread, pizza, white/wheat pasta, pastries, doughnuts, etc) stick to protein and greens! Corn and rice flours are ok. Asians are a skinny culture, even tho they have a large carb based diet on rice, because it is gluten free (until we moved in our mcdonalds).
Have an alkaline diet (milk, banana, mango, greens, etc) instead of acidic (fried, alcohol, smoking, coffee, flour, meat, tomato, citrus)… It’s hard at first to make the transition, but then it gets easier and you feel a million times better and have far less risks of cancer too!
Reduce and moderate, I say… I am still a huge coffee drinker and have alcohol and meat at leisure.
An old post I wrote, “Married… Buried: Let Go The Ones You Love” is about letting go of ideas that hinder your writing.
Congrats on getting you driver’s license! I have been in severe car accidents, rolling and everything, and got out without a scratch! Everything goes in slow motion so you actually have time to think and take action — it is the weirdest experience ever — like being a super hero and stopping time. You’ll be fine and you have a good chiropractor! *wink*
I typed “letting go” into Google and came to this blog. I will come back to it now, bookmarked. I want to read your lists- perhaps add my own.
I am holding on to intense anger- a feeling so foreign to me- so harmful. I need to let it go- yet I still have anger and resentment over how it came to be- and that my husband brought it to my doorstep, and continues to do so. Yet I am having something of a nirvana perhaps, that maybe I perpetuate the anger by harboring and letting it build, rather than letting it go. I’d like to do this- I just don’t know how.
Hey Just Me: Welcome!
Wow, I can feel your pain right now. I hear you and I know others here do too, as corny as that may sound. I think you’re right, too: that by harbouring it, you perpetuate it.
But you’re not alone and it’s totally not easy to let go. Even when you think you have, you might not actually have, truly. But I’m finding out the methods and I am working on my list. I will share that very soon. And hopefully it will do some good, for me and everyone here.
Your kind reply just brought tears to my eyes. I didn’t know I felt pain. I do. Thanks. I’ll check in again later and do some reflecting in the meanwhile.
Just Me: Hang in there, okay? It may take me a while to come up with a worthy post. But I’m making my list and I understand. It’s not easy. I too am wondering how the heck I’m going to do this big thing called letting go. One thing at a time.
And if your nickname here is any indication of you, I understand you even more. Be strong.
Hey Just Me,
I wanted to say that this is a community of wondercul caring people and that we are all friends. Come join us OK?
Several of us write at our own sites and chat around and you can feel free to join us there too. You will get a lot of friendship and fun things to read and people to meet. Since I have met these people wonderful things have been happening in my life. Maybe it can be that way for you too.
@Wendi: I second that!
I third it!
See Steph? Just by writing honestly about yourself someone found you. And because that person found you, you touched them. How cool is that?
The best way to work through your own ’stuff’ is to sometimes reach out and help someone else. And you did that. Good on ya.
LOL!! Point taken.
Thanks guys. Very true- the universe provides when a need is sought out. It’s pretty amazing actually. So many of the responses to Steph’s post here touch on topics I’ve been struggling with. With so many people out there, of course we are not alone- yet finding it in black and white in a “discussion forum” of sorts was surprising to me (I’m a blogger virgin obviously ;o)! It’s refreshing and unnerving at the same time.
I’ll be away from a computer til Monday, but am printing other interesting “letting go” reads for the interim. I’ll see if that, and some time in the country have me back to you next week with any pearls of wisom. Thanks again.
Just Me: Enjoy your time away and being unplugged! I too have to unplug for a bit to get some much-needed work done before I can be fair to my next post.
Look forward to seeing you back again, refreshed!
Holy Cow! You hit the nail on the preverbial head! I haven’t been to a chiropractor but maybe I should! After reading this post I know there are many things I am holding on to, even things I thought I let go of. I think I am going to have to follow suit like you and start making a list and plans of action.
Thank you for opening my eyes to this!
Hey Jenny,
Any time!
I’m finding my list very hard to do for two reasons: 1. I really need to get a job finished today and 2. it’s hard to be so painfully honest sometimes. But I’ll post it very soon.
Good luck with yours!
Steph — I’ve had two different reiki practitioners tell me I have a blockage in my third eye. I’m waiting for a third one to come along and tell me what it means or what I can do about it.
That’s very cool about you and the driving.
@Amy: LOL! The practitioners are talking about chakras, which in layman’s terms are places of energy standing for different elements of your person. For instance, your root chakra, down by your pelvis, is related to sexuality and groundedness and stuff like that. If it’s blocked, chances are you have issues in those areas of your life. I know, totally hokey-sounding, right. But the practitioner is basically getting your energy unblocked and flowing properly. Since I get treated to sessions because Colin’s a reiki practitioner now, I can say it works.
Your third eye is one of your chakras and it deals with your psychic abilities, your ability to see things you don’t see the regular way. Unless you’re keen on developing your psychic skills…yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it.
@Jaden: I’m so sorry, somehow your comment ended up in spam. Well, it’s here now, and thank you so much for sharing all your stuff!
I’ve done much the same, actually. I went veg about five or six years ago, but for one whole year I touched no wheat, sugar, dairy, alcohol (not a big drinker anyway), even gum, which is my number one addiction. I did notice a bit of a difference, though to tell you the truth, I was a total bitch for a while, eating only salad and nuts and not much else! I already don’t drink coffee and only have water and herbal teas. Giving up cheese and real bread has been the hardest to maintain, and I do eat those again now and then. I have to get back on the eating well, because I did notice my panic attacks and feeling sick went away. I also need to start doing more exercise.
All these things in turn help us deal better with stress and enable us to let go easier, it’s true.
The other thing is, even during that year of pure eating (including a five-day juice fast and lost of other juicing), I still had some health problems, and they are totally related to other issues, like psychological ones. Those are the ones I have to attack with more than just diet.
Hi Steph,
How powerful a statement. I’m also always crunched up when I sit like you. Your post made me think on what I as holding in and I’ve come to realize that I held onto some issue from the past.
This is interesting since I did have recent energy sessions (similar to Reiki) which have calibrated my aura. And still, the mind is holding on…mmhhh….
Monika: Oh, I understand. The mind is a powerful thing. The trick is to…trick it! To make it work for us rather than against us. Like recalibrating our energy, we need to retrain our subconscious. And it’s not easy!!