On How to Let Go

02Oct08

A long time ago, I wrote this post and this one — does anyone actually click on links like this? — on letting go of things that hold us back.

I know! This post has been a long time in coming. And you know what? I’ve decided that although I’ll deliver to you some great techniques, they will not be in my own words. Yes, this is because I’m busy due to piss-poor time management, but it’s mainly because the editor in me recognizes it’s pointless to paraphrase something that’s already written well enough that it gets the point across.

I hereby relinquish control of this post. I am letting go. I do not need to be the one who writes everything.

Thus, what follows are a few articles or posts I found on letting go. I hope with all my heart that at least one of these things resonates with you and whatever’s on your own list, and that you are able to set your spirit free.

Try not to be upset if they don’t work for you, though. Try not to be upset if you simply can’t or don’t want to let go of something. Try something else instead: ask yourself kindly, inquisitively, “Self, why are you afraid to let go? Why don’t you want to? Why can’t you? What, by holding on to this thing, are you trying to tell me?”

You might be surprised by the answers. Your self might say, because if you let go of this, you won’t have the wonderful memories that also accompany it. Or you don’t want to let go because you’re afraid if you do you’ll be different. Or if you let go, you might have something new to deal with. Or you can’t let go because first you need to resolve something.

My favourite destuckifier Havi tells us not to face fear or push it away or overcome it but instead to talk to it, find out what it wants, why it’s there. When you talk to your fear and try to understand it, it’s easier to move ahead, because when you understand fear you can either accept it or reassure it or even find yourself letting go because it is no longer needed. You unstick yourself.

I don’t feel I’m being coherent enough here. Go read Havi. What I’m trying to say is that you can apply her exciting and freeing thinking about fear and procrastination to pretty much anything that is holding you back, to anything that is an issue for you.

Still, everyone is different. So here are a few different approaches. I have to say it was really difficult to find anything I liked. Too many articles and posts were just insensitive. “Let it go, it’s useless. All you gotta do is…” Yeah, so long, and thanks for all the fish. I was looking for something a little less preachy, a little more empathetic and understanding and realistic. (That’s why I like Havi so much, and NO, she’s not paying me.)

“A Little Ritual for Letting Go…”

“7 Top Tips on How to Let Go”

“Learning to Let Go with Love”

“Letting Go of Your Past”

And if you want to hold yourself accountable as you try to effect change, try to do this with someone. Find a friend you can trust, who will listen as you go through your thoughts aloud and who will understand and cheer you on and offer perspective. Alternatively, try www.43things.com, an online community of people with common goals, who share, encourage, and help each other.

The point of all this is to free yourself. If your purpose is to be all you can be, you owe it to yourself and others to let go of whatever is holding you back. I’m talking to myself here, too.

It may take days, weeks, months, years. But don’t consider yourself successful only when you’ve finally let go. Consider yourself successful already for growing as you do it.

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Tags: letting go